Question #4

What would your parents or other family members say if you brought home a person from a different race than yours and said you were in love with that person and thinking about marrying him or her?

First of all, I'm already married and pretty disconnected from my family, so this is a really weird idea to think about. I have, however, dated black guys in the past, and when I "brought them home" it wasn't because I was in love with them or was thinking about marrying them; it was a lust kind of thing.

I dated one my sophomore year and he only came over a couple times so that we could make out. My dad didn't like it and was a nutcase the entire time, but I'd never really brought a guy over before, so it probably wasn't about race, but more about gender. And he didn't really care/wasn't really involved otherwise--he served only as the P.D.A. Police when necessary.

The other guy was a kid from Texas that had been adopted into a white family and only came to visit his Christian dad every summer and some holidays, like Christmas. I met him my seventh grade summer while I was swimming at my grandma's pool and he was working outside at his dad's used car shop, which was right behind my grandma's house. Whenever he came back to Indiana, we acted as if we were boyfriend/girlfriend again, and when he left, it was like neither of us existed for the other. It was weird.

So maybe that's why my dad didn't like the black guys. It's hard to tell..especially since the black guys happened to be horny players and the only other guys I brought over were white, square, Christian virgins I dated in order to get over the black guys. Who knows.

But I do remember growing up arguing about race with my dad. He would never admit to being a racist, but he carried the attitude of one. He would never have dressed as a KKK or anything, but I don't think he would have loved Derrick or Cole if I'd have. And I can sort of understand why; the only other black men my dad had experienced were either arrogant pricks or wife-beater-cheaters (my cousin's old husband & my sister's new one) and both Derrick & Cole acted similarly (unnecessarily disrespectful, overly physical). I think it was those things that had my mom a little on edge too.

But in the end, it didn't matter anyway, because I found myself marrying the All-American blonde-haired, blue-eyed white boy, and in that way, I think I avoided the disaster my father was afraid of, even if it had nothing to do with color & more to do with consequence.