I covered the breeding rabbit show last night at the Huntington County 4-H Fair, and today I am covering the sheep show. The sheep show is disgusting because there are a bunch of moaning lambs fighting their owners and pissing all over the place, and the handlers have to stick their fingers into the anus of the sheep to get them to walk straight. Nasty... I walked away from the beginning of the show today confused about why anyone would want to go through hours and hours in the heat dodging sheep piss. But then as I walked through the fair grounds, I could see all the camaraderie and how everyone there is like one giant family, and it made me smile. They are hicks, but they have each other.
Kelsye and I were legitimately talking about suicide last night (as legitimately as you can talk about it without actually going through with it). We both feel alone and undesirable. We come from different places in life and we're different people, but we found comfort in knowing that someone else felt just as hopeless about life as we did.We both agreed that, if we could, we'd go back to being 5 and we'd start it over and do it better, but then, a lot of people think that, right? I guess we are shocked because we never thought we'd be those people who regret their lives so much they're desperate to go back or not have to go forward. We thought about how, if we'd maybe made one decision differently, the present might not be so pathetic.
I think about that a lot, but thinking, I have finally figured out, does nothing, absolutely nothing, unless there is someone who cares, and no one really cares about anyone else's thoughts anymore, unless she is alone at home and contemplating ending her life.
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