What I wanted

I got what I wanted. That's what I told myself, today, in the mirror. It's what I tell myself every day.
You sick sorry girl.
"Let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness, I'm so sick."
I got what I wanted.
Jake, remember I used to tell you all the time how I hated relationships, they only hurt me? I wanted nothing but the surface. It hurt you. I wasn't careful what I wished for.
I had my reasons... I just wish I had known how insignificant they'd seem in comparison with the destruction of my self.
I just wanted justification, vindication. I don't care about any of that now. It's so small to this biggest of disasters.
God, how I miss you. I've missed you for so long and this monster in me wouldn't let me but I was missing you all along. God, how I wish you could hear her, the girl I hear inside fighting to be seen by you instead of the terror that took over.