It would have really been great

to have you around last night. It's difficult being half a unit. When Jo needs something...it's just better to be two. I understand now more fully why it was designed that way.

Anyway. It would also be really great if you gave up the battle and conceded to the sadness. I can't judge, because I have been running...and denying...but every so often I feel real again and my TRUE feelings are there, the ones I've been denying. I know more than anything else I know that you are in that same place, because I know you better than most, maybe better than all. I understand you have many people in your life and many are close to you and care deeply about you, but no one has ever felt about you or been able to read you the way I do. Even you can't see the things I see. If they loved you at the level I do, they would hold you accountable. I know how amazing you can be. I also know how lazy, selfish and stubborn you can be. I know you the same way I know Tara or Katie or my sister - it comes so easily. I know most of all how much you love me. I'm willing to bet, if you let yourself, there are occasional times when you're close to recognizing the heartbreak, maybe you even feel a little of it, that suffocating, heaviness in your chest when you remember what there was and what isn't and can't be anymore.

All I am saying is that I am right here, going through so many of the same things, and that I know you. ...That is all.